Most networking conversations feel like a waste of time. You walk away with a business card, some polite encouragement, and zero clarity about what actually matters. That’s because you’re asking the wrong questions.
Here’s the brutal truth: most people think networking is about impressing others. It’s not. It’s about intelligence gathering. Your job isn’t to get validation. Your job is to uncover what actually drives hiring decisions in your target studio.
The Mom Test by Rob Fitzpatrick laid this out perfectly. If you ask safe questions, even your mom will lie to you to be nice. She’ll say your resume looks great. She’ll tell you to follow your passion. She’ll encourage you to reach out. None of that is useful. You need information, not cheerleading.
Three Rules That Actually Work
Rule One: Ask for Facts, Not Opinions
When you ask “What do you think about remote work?” you get opinion. When you ask “How has your team’s productivity changed since going remote?” you get data. One is useless. The other shapes how you position yourself in interviews.
Rule Two: Ask About Past Behavior, Not Hypotheticals
“Would you hire someone without a degree?” gets you fantasy. “When you last hired someone without a degree, what convinced you?” gets you history. Hiring managers remember the real decisions they made. They’ll give you the actual criteria that mattered, not the PR version.
Rule Three: Ditch Leading Questions for Open-Ended Ones
Bad questions: “Would you hire someone like me?” “Do you think my resume looks good?” “Can you introduce me to recruiters?” These are all about you. They’re also easy to dismiss politely.
Good questions: “When you last hired for your team, what made certain candidates stand out?” “When was the last time you saw a truly impressive resume?” “When you’ve referred someone in the past, what made you confident enough to put your name on the line?” These questions are about their experience. They unlock real insights.
I almost made a massive mistake early in my career. I asked a mentor, “Do you think I should found a startup?” Everyone said “Sure, follow your passion.” What I should have asked: “When you started your startup, what nearly killed you in the first year?” One question got me a polite lie. The other would have given me the information I actually needed to make a decision.
Five Principles That Drive Real Conversations
Past behavior over hypotheticals. What did they actually do, not what they’d theoretically do.
Their stories, not your worth. Get them talking about their experiences, not evaluating you.
Pain points over pleasantries. Dig into what made their job hard, not what they think you want to hear.
Referral psychology over direct asks. Understand what makes them confident enough to put their reputation on the line, rather than just asking for an introduction.
Process over opinions. Learn how they make decisions, not what they think about your idea.
Questions You Can Steal Right Now
“When you scroll LinkedIn, what actually makes you click on someone’s profile?” Most people never get asked this. You’ll learn what signals matter.
“Last time you accepted a connection request, what made you hit yes?” This reveals how hiring managers actually filter their network.
“When you were promoted, what was the biggest shift?” Watch them light up talking about their own breakthrough. And you’ll learn what progression actually looks like at their studio.
“What’s one piece of advice you wish someone had given you 5 years ago?” This gets to regret and wisdom. The things they’d change about their own path.
What Happens When You Ask Better Questions
Three things shift immediately.
First, you get real information instead of polite encouragement. You learn the actual decision-making criteria. You find out what roles are open before they’re posted. You understand the political dynamics at studios people are thinking about leaving.
Second, you build trust faster. People respect curiosity over desperation. When you ask about their experience instead of asking for favors, they see you as someone worth knowing. They open doors.
Third, you find opportunities others miss. Most of your competition is asking for validation. You’re gathering intelligence. You spot openings. You understand pain points. You position yourself as someone who can solve real problems.
I once helped a client land a role at EA purely because of one networking conversation. They asked the right question, learned the team was struggling with a specific workflow problem, and tailored their entire application around solving that exact issue. The hiring manager told them later that no other candidate even mentioned that challenge. That’s the edge strategic questions give you.
Related reading: Conference-specific networking tips
Your Move
Networking in gaming isn’t about collecting contacts. It’s about becoming the person who actually understands how the industry works. Start with one conversation this week. Pick someone you respect. Ask one of these questions. Listen like you’re mining for gold. That’s how you build a network that actually matters.
For the complete networking playbook, check out our Networking in the Gaming Industry Guide.
Read our complete guide: Networking in Gaming
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What’s the difference between asking for opinions and asking for facts when networking?
A: Opinions are like asking your mom if your cooking is good, you’ll get a polite lie every time. Facts come from past behavior. Instead of asking “What do you think of my resume?” ask “When was the last time you saw a truly impressive resume?” Now you’re getting real decision-making criteria, not generic encouragement.
Q: Why should you ask about past behavior instead of hypotheticals?
A: Hypotheticals live in fantasy land where everything sounds possible. When someone actually hired a person without a degree, they’ll tell you what really convinced them. History doesn’t lie, and that’s the intelligence you need to make real decisions about your own strategy.
Q: What are the five core principles of strategic networking questions?
A: Past behavior over hypotheticals, their stories not your worth, pain points over pleasantries, referral psychology over direct asks, and process over opinions. These aren’t just conversation starters, they’re intelligence gathering tools that replace the networking fluff most people waste time on.
Q: How do you learn someone’s actual referral criteria without directly asking for an introduction?
A: Instead of “Can you introduce me to recruiters?” ask “When you’ve referred someone in the past, what made you confident enough to put your name on the line?” You’ll discover exactly what demonstrations of competence they need to see before they risk their reputation on you.
Q: What strategic questions should you ask someone who has promoted in their career?
A: Try questions like “When you were promoted, what was the biggest shift in how you approached your work?” or “What’s the most valuable introduction someone’s ever made for you?” These questions uncover the actual patterns and relationships that led to their growth, not the career advice they think they should give.